DNC Pivots To Tactical Thirst Traps To Make Socialism Look Sexy
Democrats have decided they need to use thirst traps in order to win the midterm elections. Now you may be asking yourself, “What’s a thirst trap?” or “What’s an election?” or “Who is that woman in bed next to me and why is there blood everywhere?” Because that’s the sort of audience I attract. And to be honest, I can only answer some of those questions.
Read more Parents Blast School Board Over Trans Elementary School Teacher
A thirst trap is a social media post with a photo or video designed to catch your attention by showing you something attractive and sexy. And Democrats are looking for sexually attractive candidates to catch your attention and make you think, wow, it’s so hot the way they pretend to be socialists who would only destroy our economy to hide the fact they’re actually Islamists who want to murder us all.
For instance, Democrats feel if muscular Michigan Senate candidate and terrorist sympathizer Abdul El-Sayed hits the campaign trail wearing tight t-shirts, he might attract the kind of women who would otherwise forget to vote because they’re too busy writing love letters to Luigi Mangione.
Or maybe spindly little Georgia Senate Candidate Jon Ossoff could give speeches in an open-neck shirt to attract large muscular homosexuals who were recently released from prison and are looking for a new b*tch. Or Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez might appear dressed in a bizarrely low-cut nun’s habit entirely made of latex while carrying a whip and a lighted cigarette — or maybe that was just a dream I had. Then I woke up screaming, thinking I’d voted for AOC. Brrrr.
Anyway, in a series of tests funded by the Democratic National Committee, potential female voters were shown a picture of El-Sayed flexing his biceps, followed by a picture of Senator Chuck Schumer trying to stand up straight and pretend he still has a soul. The women were then asked:
Would you be willing to destroy 250 years of American liberty and prosperity for fifteen minutes of having El-Sayed tear off your burka while you scream ‘Take me, take me, you steaming hunk of Islamist garbage,’ or would you prefer to just go on and on in your drab day to day life where every evening your daydreams are shattered when Chuck Schumer comes through the door calling out, ‘Hi, Honey, I’m home,’ until every dream you ever had of romance and adventure withers and dies?
Read more Jill Biden Has New Theory About Joe’s Debate Disaster … It Involves A ‘Roofie’
In 68% of the cases, the female Democrats said they would gladly vote for the handsome El-Sayed as long as he promised to bring back the patriarchy, which actually, now that they think about it, was kind of great.
The Democrats then wanted to test pictures of attractive female candidates on potential male voters. Unfortunately, I’d already made an AOC joke, and every other female Democrat either looks like a used boot or has a mouth on her that makes you want to become a celibate monk in a religious retreat run by a nun wearing the low-cut latex habit she got from the old AOC joke.
Finally, desperate to find a pretty Democrat woman for their study, the DNC showed male voters a photograph of Krystal Ball, the Democrat beauty whose 2010 Virginia congressional campaign ended in scandal when pictures surfaced of her dressed in a sexy Santa outfit while wrapping her lips around a sex toy strapped to the nose of her then-husband. Ninety-five percent of the men said they would gladly vote for the catastrophe of socialism if they could just become a sex toy strapped to the nose of Krystal Ball’s former husband, even if only in their imaginations. In fact, some of the male voters said they might even vote for communism if Chuck Schumer would just stop coming through their wife’s door, calling out, “Hi, Honey, I’m home.”
But the Democrats’ obsession with finding attractive candidates is not just a reflection of their shallow and perverted notion of sexuality with its propensity for meaningless, fetishistic hookups. Democrat leaders feel that if they can enlist candidates with a youthful, vibrant aura, it will return them to their glory days when voters were swept away by the sex appeal of Barack Obama because he destroyed the American health care system with such macho vitality, you could almost believe he was straight.
Post Comment